By Railey Molinario, the Love Educator
We've all heard the magic buzzword "BOUNDARIES". But what does it actually mean and how do we set them effectively? Here are 3 steps to getting it right!
1. Set Your Intention
What: Understand that boundaries are about you and not other people. By knowing yourself deeply and what you are and are not willing to accept in life make setting boundaries much easier.
How: make it clear in your mind what you are comfortable and not comfortable with and why those things are important to you.
Why: This will give you the confidence to guide yourself during difficult situations.
Example: I can only have a conversation with someone who is speaking to me with a calm and respectful tone. I do not accept people yelling at me.
2. Express Your Boundaries
What: Being able to communicate effectively is key in setting boundaries with others.
How: Be open and honest with yourself and others as to what your boundary is and why. Practice empathy and understand that not everyone is going to see situations the way you do. This is why the boundary is about you, not them. Communicate with others when you feel they may or already have crossed a boundary of yours.
Why: Not everyone has the same boundaries. We are different individuals having different experiences. It's key to express what boundaries look like specifically to you if you expect others to respect them.
Example: If my partner raises his voice during a conversation I can tell him that in order for us to continue the conversation I need him to lower his voice and speak to me respectfully.
3. Give Consequences
What: Again, setting boundaries is about you, not others. This means that just because you say you do not accept a certain behavior from someone doesn't mean they are going to stop.
How: After you have expressed your boundary and you have the confidence to follow through if that boundary is not respected, follow through with the consequence.
Why: In order for us to protect ourselves we must understand that we can not control other people. But we have 100% control as to how we respond to other's behavior towards us.
Example: I tell my partner that because the conversation is important to me I am willing to have it once we are able to both be effective in having it. Which means I am going to leave until he is able to calm down and speak to me with a calm and respectful tone. (And then I walk away)
Remember, when setting boundaries and following through with consequences if that boundary is not respected, we must choose consequences that help and support us as oppose to harms us more deeply
Speaking of support, I'm offering a few lovely ladies to join me at the Free Women's Empowerment Retreat!