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How To Thrive In Mamahood After Trauma

By Emily Cleghorn

When you first began your journey into mamahood, did you find yourself side swiped by fear of recreating the childhood you endured? Maybe all of the trauma you lived through that you spent years running from came rushing back and knocked the wind out of you. When I first became a mama in 2018, I was completely unaware of how my traumatic childhood would impact my transition into motherhood. I don’t know if you’re like me at all but I thought that because the bulk of the trauma- the abuse and neglect was 30 years in the past and I was over 5000 km away from where it happened that it wouldn’t matter… …Boy, was I wrong! It did matter! It mattered a lot! What I learned very quickly is that those repressed emotions were going to do everything they could to sabotage my ability to be a decent mama if I didn’t deal with them. By “deal with them”, I mean, feel those big emotions that I had been avoiding feeling because they were scary as all get out. It meant a process of re-parenting myself along with parenting my little ones because kids have a way of unintentionally triggering things inside of us that we are completely unaware of. There are 3 things that I did to move out of the fear of recreating the trauma I experienced that really changed my perspective on mamahood. 1. Understand that you are not your parent and you have the power to make new choices. This is something that took me a number of months to realize. When I finally made the connection, it took so much pressure off and so much fear subsided. 2. Learn how to identify your triggers and process them without judgment. This is something that can take time but over time, as you work through the triggers, you’ll find yourself more able to handle the stressful events that come up in the day-to-day of mama life. I’ve created a 5 step routine that’s completely changed the game for me that you can download for free on my website if you need a starting point. 3. Find a community!

So often we feel that we need to do it all, be it all for everyone and we have to figure it out all on our own but this isn’t true. Being a mama and navigating the healing process is a lot and sometimes we can feel like we’re the only ones dealing with the hurt; that no one else could possibly understand where we’re coming from. I understand this because I’ve felt this way too, but it’s not true. You aren’t alone. Having a community of mamas who understand where you’re coming from and know how to support you can be absolutely life-changing. Of course, these 3 steps are not going to solve every challenge you’re facing as a mama with a traumatic past but they are excellent starting points

Connect with Emily and thrive as a mama after trauma.


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