By Marla Osner
As we sat there sun beating through the sunroof, the smell of car exhaust, fried chicken, and rotting dumpster wafting in through the car windows, I couldn't help but let the tears flow like a river, chest heaving, unable to form actual words, my beautiful 3-year-old ran his fingers through my hair saying, “mommy it's okay don't cry”. But, it wasn't okay. I was on the phone with the mortgage company for the umpteenth time begging them not to foreclose on a house that I no longer lived in, and was making partial payments on. After my divorce it took quite a while to get my ex-husband to move out of the house, I then was able to get renters to move in which helped pay most of the mortgage while I lived and paid rent somewhere else with my son. After years of on time payments, the renters stopped paying and I was left to pay the mortgage on a house I no longer lived in and left to evict them. In an effort to sell the home, I was underwater and I would have owed the bank tens of thousands of dollars which I didn't have at the time. Post divorce I was $120,000 in debt, I had completed nursing school and was back in school to get my masters to become a nurse practitioner.
I remember the long nights staying up studying, working 12-hour shifts all day, and trying to be a good mom to my very young son. It was truly a challenge to my ego, my fortitude, strength, resilience Etc. It was at that moment in a Chick-fil-A parking lot so many years ago that I decided I would never allow my son to watch me break down, and struggle with money. Growing up in a household with financial concerns and fights over money was a cycle that I was going to break right then and there. 7 years to dig my way out of 120,000 in debt, sometimes I would take two steps forward and one step back, sometimes I would eat ramen noodles so my kid could have chicken and vegetables. I did a lot of reading and a lot of research and I tried and errored many ways of getting out of debt and Building Wealth. I made a lot of mistakes and I made a lot of good decisions. I realized that debt and money management wasn't as simple as money in and money out but there was a very emotional side to it as well as a generational mindset that I had to correct.
One of the things that they teach you in any science-based educational program such as nursing his trial and error and the scientific method. So I used that same principle to work through all of the different plans, educational information, programs Etc There to build a debt repayment plan that worked for me, to build an emergency fund so that I didn't go back into debt while trying to get out of debt, to learn about a sinking fund for expected costs that come up quarterly, semi-annually, and annually so that it wasn't such a big hit to my budget when they became due.
I learned the right way to save and invest my money so that I took advantage of tax savings and avoided get rich quick schemes. I took the time to work through my mindset and what it was about money that I had learned from generations before that was holding me back from achieving the wealth I had desired. I learned there is not one size fits all answer to debt management, money management, wealth building. Just because something works for Dave Ramsey doesn't mean that his whole method works for me. and I realized that if I tried to put myself in a mold that didn't fit my personality I would end up giving up.
I realized during this journey was that I needed to take care of myself, and for me that meant going on vacation decompressing on a beach with a Sunset and a salty Breeze in my hair diving 100 ft into the ocean, laying on my back exhaling slowly, bubbles rising to the surface and releasing all the stress and pain away. The only way to achieve this was to plan for it and build it around my debt repayment and my emergency fund savings. I made it a game and reward system, my reward for hitting certain Financial milestones was a non fancy vacation where I could dive. That was enough to help me stay on track so that I didn't spend money on other frivolous things. Those “me time” vacations allowed me to decompress, to regain the strength I needed and the intention I needed to continue on the aggressive path I was taking. It allowed me to come home renewed in my commitment not only to my financial wellness plan, but to myself, and most importantly to my son. The reason I am where I am today, the reason I committed to being a better momma, a better person, and putting myself in a better financial situation.
Through all of the years, all of the mistakes, all of the lessons, and all of the research it became apparent that many other women such as myself didn't have the foundations of financial literacy and had generational mindsets around money that needed to be improved. That is when I decided to take matters into my own hands and build Wealthy Women Coaching. I am beyond proud to say that the coaching I do not only takes women through foundations of financial literacy, how to create debt payment plans, how to build emergency funds and sinking funds Etc. It teaches mindset, how to advocate and communicate with big credit companies, health networks, etc to negotiate rates, bills, and even negotiate salary! So many women have done so well in building this Foundation in the coaching classes, I now offer programs for women so they can start building their wealth and creating generational wealth for their children. And because a little boy told his momma it would be ok and not to cry, I am teaching teenagers like my son who is now 14 yo how to amass wealth and avoid debt through age appropriate financial literacy education!
It takes one person to stop the cycle of financial distress, generational poverty, misguided generational mindsets, it takes one person reaching out a hand to help pull you up and help you level up to your best self. It takes just one split second in time to cry out “Enough is Enough” and make you change your ways. When is that moment? When is the time? When is enough, enough? Who is reaching out the hand to pull you up and who is reaching out the hand to pull you down? The time is now, enough is enough, and the hand to pull you up is here…. You decide…..
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